Norwegian Fails
by cloudluvsme13
Summary: The upgraded version of the old story with Aesa, Norway's assistant, turning the Allies into ladies. OCxVarious
1. Chapter 1

England was quite content, sitting alone with his book and sipping his tea.

There was never a moment of quiet; be that it was wasted on his brothers, or the obnoxious France, or- ugh- _America… _The list could go on. But the universe decided to give him a break on this particular day, it seemed.

Two large, brown eyes and a shock of short, messy red curls slowly rose up from behind his chair's armrest.

England didn't notice at first, but when he felt something was off he turned to look and found the wide eyes staring at him and responded with a shrill scream.

"Bloody _hell, _Aesa!" He yelled, shooting up from his chair with a panicked expression on is face.

"Ja~?" she asked, fully standing up and grinning mischievously. England furrowed his bushy brows in confusion.

"Why are you in my house?"

"Can a friend not visit her friend?" Aesa asked in her thick Scandinavian accent, pretending to be hurt. England face-palmed. There was to be no more peace.

"Seriously, Aesa."

The small, energetic Norwegian girl sheepishly scratched the back of her head.

"Norge kicked me out cause I was on his nerves." she answered slowly.

"Figures." England said, shutting his eyes and rubbing his temples.

"You know, Aesa, you should really learn how not to irritate people so much. You're just like that bloke America." England lectured, placing his hands on his hips.

"Hey, what's this?" Aesa lifted a small glass bottle full of silky-looking lavender liquid.

"It's a potion. Very potent-wait a second, _put that down!" _England screeched, running over to her and reaching for it. Aesa ran away, uncapping it as she went.

"It smells like lilac!"

"_Aesa_!" England scolded, jumping for it. Instead, he nudged her elbow and knocked it out of her grasp. His emerald eyes widened in horror as the bottle fell to the ground and shattered, spilling the purple substance everywhere. England's jaw dropped.

"Oh God…"

"What I just do? Er, what does the _bottle_ do?" Aesa asked, blinking curiously.

"It… It turns men to women." England said slowly, not taking his eyes off of the stuff. Aesa stuck her pinky in the mixture and licked it.

"It tastes like blue-bær*." Aesa said, smiling happily. England remained frozen.

"Do you realize that I'm about to be _turned into a woman_?" He exclaimed, gripping Aesa by the shoulders.

"But you didn't touch it."

"Did you not hear me say it was _very_ _potent?"_ England said, voice rising several octaves. He slapped his hand over his mouth. Aesa raised his brow.

"That's odd. Say something else."

"You twat." England squeaked, moving his hand to reveal a slightly more feminine jawline.

"You look like a Missus."

"Do you listen to _anything_ I say?" England scolded.

"Hey, England, you look like a _chick!"_ America waltzed into England's library munching on a greasy bag of potato chips, followed by the ever arrogant France, elderly China, the ever-creepy Russia, and Norway. They collectively winced upon walking in, grabbing different body parts.

"_Do not take another step!_ Aesa's spilled a highly effective potion! Unless you want to be woman, I suggest you leave _immidiately!_" England said, tugging on his- or rather her- long blonde hair for emphasis.

"Leave it to you to do something like that." China said, face-palming.

"Dude, I'm a lady." America gasped, gripping her shoulder-length locks.

"That was fast, da?" Russia said, still towering over everyone darkly.

"Er..."

"Aesa, I hope you know you're in trouble." Norway said in a monotone, groping her small chest.

"Ohohohon~! I'm so well endowed~!"

"I didn't even see you guys change." Aesa said, eyeing the room full of newly changed men/women. England sighed and took off her over-sized sweater vest, wiping the potion up with it.

"I'm going to have to help you fix this, aren't I?" Aesa asked, pouting.

"... Dude, are you retarded? Even I know the answer to that!"

* * *

**_A/N: *Berries_**


	2. Chapter 2

"... And then I told him - ah, her - 'You look like a missus!' and you all walked in. Hey Norge, why are you here at all? These aren't your normal group." Aesa rambled, twiddling her fingers. Her chocolate eyes looked from Russia's less than angry face to China's livid one.

Norway twirled a lock of her hair between her fingers.

"I came here to take you home, and I got turned into a woman." Norway said bluntly.

America had the same stupid grin on her face that she often had as a man, and she was squeezing her large breasts. France followed in her direction, and she started to grope herself.

"Dude, this is awesome."

"No it's not. Even though I am very pretty. right, Aesa~?" Russia cooed. Aesa blushed and nodded.

"I sort of miss being a man... When do you think we'll be back to normal?" China asked in a gentle voice.

"Well, the potion to fix this could take days to make. I'll call you all when it's ready. Farewell!" England said, shooing everyone out.

Aesa attempted to slip out between Norway and Russia, but England called her out.

"Everyone but you!" she yelled. Aesa pouted, but stepped aside and stared at her. England first locked the door behind the other nations. Then she pulled up her sagging pants and rolled up her long shirt sleeves.

And then she pinched Aesa's ear and dragged her out of the front-room.

"Owie, owie! vær forsiktig*! I'm a girl!"

"Well I am too, now! And it's your fault!"

* * *

Ah, the library. The place where all of the trouble started all those minutes ago. Aesa went over to the small cabinet where a few bottles were stored and began to examine them closely.

"Oh no! I will not let history repeat itself! You sit down!" England scolded. Aesa pouted and plopped down in a squashy chair.

"Calm down. Eesh, if I didn't know any better I'd say you had PMS already." she mumbled. England looked like she was searching for a book, but it must have been too high up. Her face darkened, and she turned to Aesa with a frown.

"Okay, maybe you shouldn't sit down. How much taller than me are you?" England asked. Aesa leaped up with a catlike grin and ran to stand next to England. Aesa had at least a foot on England. She was much bigger than her new female counterpart (in more ways than one).

England pointed to the book she wanted (cleverly labeled "Britain's Black Magic"), and Aesa went to get it for her. She opened the book to the first page and smiled brightly.

"Ah! Yes, of course! How could I forget?" she cried, shutting the book and handing it to England. Her face brightened as well.

"Forget what, Aesa?!"

"I can't read English."

"Oh, for the love of..."

England and Aesa sat on the ground, and England took the book from her. She flipped through the pages until she found what she was looking for. She read the pages under her breath and nodded.

"We have to get a man's essence. A masculine man, practically dripping with testosterone. Do you know any of those?" England asked, looking back up. Aesa tapped her chin and listed the different people.

"Sweden is gay, but we could ask Denmark, or maybe Spain, or Scotland..."

"Not Scotland! And Spain can _burn_. And that Denmark is just as annoying as Scotland." England hissed, throwing the book at Aesa's head. She pouted.

"But those are the only manly men I could... What about Germany?"

"I guess he's alright..."

"Great, we can visit him tomorrow! And uh, can I spend the night here?"

"You git..."

* * *

**_*Be gentle!_**


End file.
